i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
