proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
