dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
