Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and she was petting her beer can
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she told me i tasted like america
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
