Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
