when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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