I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
