Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm really busy with my period
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