I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
