you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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