Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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