it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
