so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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