We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
