I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
