hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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