my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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