I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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