one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
tell me about the fingering
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