you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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