So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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