literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
