so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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