Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
