as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
