I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
