Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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