Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
