You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
