you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
