If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
