I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
