I just saw a hot homeless man
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
