I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
