I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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