when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
