could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
