I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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