I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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