quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
