In America we eat man semen.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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