epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
