i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
