I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
