Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
