Umm I'm too high to move.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
