My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
