i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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