Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
