I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
