there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
