youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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