jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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